See? There IS Room For Improvement!

Yesterday I explored some practical steps the Catholic Church could take that would make going to Mass less of a chore.  According to the Associated Press, I’m not the only one thinking outside the box here.  Apparently a suburban Cincinnati parish has established a drive-thru for Ash Wednesday, otherwise known as National Find Out Which of Your Coworkers Are Catholic And Mean It Day.  Traditionally, parishoners attend a Mass during which a cross is drawn on their forehead with the ashes of combusted palms which are also somehow significant.  I don’t really have the whole picture, my family were some serious cafeteria Catholics.  This church is willing to save you the trouble of getting out of your car to get your forehead marked.  From the article:

An Ohio church is offering a drive-thru Ash Wednesday blessing for parishioners pressed for time or reluctant to come inside the church for the Lenten observance.

The Rev. Patricia Anderson Cook of Mt. Healthy United Methodist Church in suburban Cincinnati offered the ashes Wednesday evening for people of all faiths beginning around 5 p.m. in the church parking lot. Ash Wednesday marks the beginning of the Christian season of Lent, which concludes after 40 days with the celebration of Easter, and the faithful traditionally have a smudged cross drawn on their forehead.

Bridget Spitler, the church’s secretary and building manager, said the church had received a lot of positive feedback for offering the drive-thru ashes.

It’s a good start.  The Church really should do everything it can to make worship as convenient as buying a bag full of McChicken sandwiches.

(ABC News)

Your Lionel Sucks

A group of insane Germans – ever the productive demographic – have built the world’s largest model railroad in Hamburg as a tourist attraction.  Not only are there trains running through the massive display, but also cars and other vehicles.  They even meticulously modeled an airport complete with planes taxiing, taking off, and landing.  As a helpful reminder that we puritan Yankees didn’t build this marvel, there are also people randomly having sex all over the place.  Well done, Europe.


Bill Hicks Keeps Riding

Were it not for that bastard cancer, Bill Hicks would have turned 50 last Friday.  The world would have been a better place for the last 18 years if he were still around.  I didn’t find out about his work until a year after he died, but it still made a huge impact on me and how I look at the world.

Brow Beat over at Slate has a write-up about the infamous censorship, euphemistically dubbed as “cutting,” of his 1993 appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman that’s worth a read.  If you aren’t familiar with his work and you’re a Netflix subscriber, give America’s Funniest Home Videos a rest for a bit and check out American: The Bill Hicks Story, a recently-produced documentary about his life, then wash it down with his 1989 special Sane Man and the four-special compilation Bill Hicks Live: Satirist, Social Critic, Stand-Up Comedian.  If you don’t laugh, congratulations, you’re part of the problem.

A Moment of Humility

I know we’re all having a great time here talking about how Dr. Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation is a whore, checking out awesome Japanese playground slides, and wondering what exactly is wrong with Joe Paterno…but it’s important to remember, reading this monument to me, that I’m not even the most awesome Scott Ahearn there is.  Say hello to, also known as Google Image Search Scott Ahearn.  He’s a quality guy and I’ve always appreciated how much cooler he is than Scott Ahearn.

If I didn’t have a beard I’d look exactly like him.  I’m gonna start working “how do you like my wife’s vagina?” into my day-to-day repertoire.


I Don’t Know If I’d Call This An Antique

I was walking around Smithfield with my friend Megan yesterday and we stopped at an antique shop after it turned out Aunt Meg wasn’t at the Smithfield Ice Cream Shop that day.  We came across this on one of the shelves and it made me think of Xzibit:

Yo dawg, I herd you like sponges, so we put a sponge in yo sponge so you can sponge while you sponge.