Dear Dear Prudence, Volume IV

We haven’t done this since 2011, kinda like everything else on Fantastic Manliness.

Every week Slate, an online magazine that’s a lot like if Nickelodeon The Magazine was written by the editors of Highlights for Children, runs an advice column called Dear Prudence.  Written by D.C.-based Emily Yoffe, the column is similar in format to Dear Abby (ask your librarian) and covers a range of topics such as manners, etiquette, familial relations, and of course how to deal with ill-conceived sexual decisions.  At least one of that last one makes it into the column a week.  Drink when you hit it.

On this episode we provide questionable counsel to a man whose girlfriend has kissed other men in her past (gasp!), a woman whose in-laws never learned how to be adults, another woman whose prankster husband almost killed someone, and a graduate student whose problem doesn’t matter because graduate students are literally the worst people on Earth.  Let’s get slap happy!

Dear Prudence,
My girlfriend and I are in law school together and have been dating for six months. Things are getting serious—she is the love of my life. Her best friend is getting married this spring, and my girlfriend is the maid of honor. I was excited to attend this wedding as her date. However, she recently confessed that she had previously made out with three of the groomsmen, including the best man who will walk her down the aisle. I was completely taken aback by this. She said who she made out with in the past isn’t really any of my business, but she wanted to tell me so I wasn’t in the dark at the wedding. I’m pretty upset. She said I should consider how she feels, having to participate in a wedding along with these guys. That makes sense, but those are the repercussions of her actions. Should I go to the wedding and be uncomfortable watching her walk down the aisle with someone she’s kissed before, who is still in love with her? Or should I just skip the whole thing and save myself some emotional trouble? Continue reading

Your Lionel Sucks

A group of insane Germans – ever the productive demographic – have built the world’s largest model railroad in Hamburg as a tourist attraction.  Not only are there trains running through the massive display, but also cars and other vehicles.  They even meticulously modeled an airport complete with planes taxiing, taking off, and landing.  As a helpful reminder that we puritan Yankees didn’t build this marvel, there are also people randomly having sex all over the place.  Well done, Europe.


The Franchise You Didn’t Know Existed, Part II

Catch up with Part I here.

Previously, we discussed the overarching themes of the 1993 treatise on social order Demolition Man.  Today, we will discuss its companion piece, the justifiably-overlooked Judge Dredd, in which Stallone plays a descendent of his character in the previous film and acts as an agent of the fascist system unwittingly instituted by its protagonist.

At the end of Demolition Man, the forces of rampant Liberalism were cast aside under a cloud of corruption and murder, allowing the more seemingly freedom-loving Libertarians to return to the surface world and take control.  This meant an end to the various well-meaning initiatives put in place by the previous regime, in favor of an improvised order more appealing to the base desires of the populace.  Forced politeness was repealed, and with it the automatic fines for verbal profanity, a measure which was particularly god damn unappealing to anyone who would pay to see an R-rated action movie in 1993.  The ban on meat was also brought to an end, allowing the formerly second-class citizens to partake in as many rat burgers as they wanted.   Continue reading