This week, here are fifteen ways to anger, annoy, perturb, and otherwise incite aggression from someone from Merry Olde England – a country, as we all know, whose ass we kicked in the Revolutionary War, which George Washington fought single-handedly:
1.) Show difficulty telling the difference between an Australian accent and a British accent. Respond to any queries with a mocking “G’day mate! Put another shrimp on the barby!”
2.) Say “you’re welcome” any time World War II comes up.
4.) Turn on The Yakety Sax any time they enter the room.
5.) Express any sort of positive feeling regarding the Irish.
6.) Tell them how much you love Top Gear, and then describe all your favorite segments from the American version.
7.) Demand that instant replay be added to the World Cup. Use American football as proof that it won’t interrupt the flow of the match.
8.) Speak French.
9.) If you’re in America, drive them somewhere in the left lane to make them more comfortable. Insist on it.
10.) If you’re in Britain, ask them to drive in the right lane to make you more comfortable. Insist on it.
11.) Explain how John Lennon would still be alive if he had been carrying.
12.) Agree with something they said by replying “three points for Gryffindor!”
13.) Tell them you’re Catholic, and remind them that it’s not too late for the Anglicans to repent.
14.) Bring only enough powdered wigs for yourself and your American friends.
15.) Gush over your love of the letter Z.
16.) BONUS ROUND, Show them this: