A Moment of Humility

I know we’re all having a great time here talking about how Dr. Crusher from Star Trek: The Next Generation is a whore, checking out awesome Japanese playground slides, and wondering what exactly is wrong with Joe Paterno…but it’s important to remember, reading this monument to me, that I’m not even the most awesome Scott Ahearn there is.  Say hello to ScottAhearn.net, also known as Google Image Search Scott Ahearn.  He’s a quality guy and I’ve always appreciated how much cooler he is than TeamAhearn.com Scott Ahearn.

If I didn’t have a beard I’d look exactly like him.  I’m gonna start working “how do you like my wife’s vagina?” into my day-to-day repertoire.

(From: ScottAhearn.net)

Eddie Murphy to Host The Oscars, Finally Embraces Not Being Funny Anymore

Remember that time Eddie Murphy stormed out of the Oscars like a PMSing Katherine Heigl after losing Best Supporting Actor to Daniel Day-Lewis?  That was pretty much like crying yourself to sleep because ‘roids-era Mark McGwire got a hit off one of your pitches.  He was nominated for Dreamgirls – when was the last time anyone watched Dreamgirls?  Until today I forgot that was even a movie.  He lost to Daniel Day-Lewis for his part in Gangs of New York, the best character in a legitimately good movie, and was so offended that he piled his entourage – Judge Reinhold and Hector Elizondo – into his panel van to go drink Scotch and watch the rough cut of Norbit.  Classy move.

Well, The Academy was so impressed with him that they have given Brett Ratner what he wants, which couldn’t possibly be a bad decision.  It’ll be nearly unwatchable, as the Oscars often are, and it got me thinking about the man himself.  Eddie Murphy, despite being an incredibly gifted comedian in the 80s, probably has the least-developed sense of irony in Hollywood.  Don’t believe me?  Look what he did the second he had any clout:

The man is a black hole of irony.  It gets sucked into him and consumed.  He’s perfect for the tap-dancing, drink-when-Jack-Nicholson-wears-sunglasses-indoors Oscars!  Can’t wait.